The List
by Tonyahuqt03
Summary: This is the third installment of the Wash and Zoe's triplets. As the title states it's about the list and how it came about. Like any new parents Wash and Zoe have to learn the hard way when it comes to raising their children.
1. Chapter 1

The List

Part III

1: Never take your eyes off of any of them, not even for a second.

Wash ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath and started looking frantically around the cargo bay again. Thoughts of his beloved wife strangling him ran through his head. Why would anyone think it was a good idea to leave him alone with 3, 10 month babies was a good idea, even if the babies were his? This was the first time that he was ever alone with his children and he did the unthinkable. He lost one of them. Wash had only taken his eyes off of Mally for a second then he was gone. He looked in every storage, secret compartment, box, nook, and cranny but no sign of his eldest son. He went to check to see if the other two were where he left them. Amina stretched out her hands for him to pick her up.

"Poppa can't pick you up right now sweetie. He's gotta find your brother before your Momma comes back, and strangles, Poppa." Wash kissed her on the head and continued his search.

Wash looked in every cabinet in the kitchen. There was still no sign of his son. He looked under the table and instead he saw his wife's legs. Normally Wash would enjoy this moment staring at his wife's legs, but not today.

"Sweetie…you're back." He grinned nervously. "And so soon."

Zoë had Amina and Gabe in her arms. "Husband, is there a reason why our children we're sitting in a box in the cargo bay? And when I left we had three children. Annnnd I count only two. Where's the third?"

"Gorramit!" Jayne yelled.

Wash smiled. "Jayne's got him."

They went into the common's area the source of Jayne's cursing. Jayne came out the bathroom holding Mally at arm's length.

"He's a baby not a bomb, Jayne." Zoë stated.

"Damn critter was in the john. And he smells funny." Jayne handed the baby over to Wash. "Here take'm and keep him out of the john. Man can't take a shower with another man looking at his bits and pieces." Jayne stomped out the room.

Wash laughed nervously. "I'm gonna clean him up now."

"Try not to loose him." Zoë replied flatly.

* * *

Zoë was playing a riveting game of peek-a-boo with Amina, while Wash washed the boys. She had just uncovered her eyes and noticed that Amina wasn't sitting across from her anymore. "Shiny."

She jumped up and ran out of the children's bedroom when she bumped into her husband.

"Hey sweetie." Wash smiled.

"Thought you were washing the boys."

"I am. Washing them." Wash peek his head into the bedroom. Then he looked in the other rooms. "As soon as I find them." He whispered to himself.

"What's that dear?" Zoë asked.

"Nothing."

They heard a loud crash coming from the infirmary and Simon yelling. "Oh no!"

"Where's Gabe, Wash?"

"Where's Amina, Zoë?"

There was more clanging coming from the infirmary. "That's not for little boys."

"This is your fault you know." Zoë said.

"Why is it always my fault when our kids run muck?"

"Because you're the man."

"And you're the woman. And when a man and woman love each other…"

A dripping, naked Mally ran past them.

"They get to chase naked two year olds."

From another direction a very green Amina chased him.

"Why she's green?" Wash asked smiling.

Zoë put her hands on her hips. "Why's Mally running around naked and wet?"

"Wash! Zoë!" Simon screamed

"It's your turn." Zoë stated.

"No, it's your turn." Wash gently pushed Zoë in the direction of the infirmary.

"You're the man."

"Sweetie we went over this already."

"No, Gabe. Don't touch that." Simon shouted.

Amina flashed by again.

Wash grabbed Zoë's shoulders. "Let's runaway. Somewhere far, far, away."

"No touching!" Simon shouted.

Zoë smiled liking Wash's suggestion. "Umm let's."

Mally ran past them into the room. "Hi Poppa. Hi Momma." He rummaged through his toys and pulled out a racket, teddy bear, his pillow and three crayons.

"Son what are you doing?"

"Nothing." He grinned.

Green Amina flashed by again laughing hysterically.

"No, we don't want to put that in our mouths."

"Some one should really help him." Wash said looking in the direction of the infirmary.

"I've got Mally." Zoë scooped up the boy. Amina pushed her way into the room. Zoë grabbed her too. "And our daughter you deal with Simon."

"That's not a toy!" Simon yelpped.


	2. Chapter 2

_(This isn't beta, so if you love grammer I wouldn't read any further.)_

**2. Don't do, say, or eat anything that you don't want done, repeated, or thrown back at you. Even when you think they're not listening they are and when you want them to they don't.**

"What happened next Momma?" Mally asked. The boy was about to jump out of his skin in anticipation.

Zoë smiled. "If you like me finish…"

"Did you pull out your gun? Did Goddaddy or Monty?" Mally was on his feet now.

"Sit down, Mally." Amina pulled her brother down.

"Let Momma finish." Gabe added in.

Zoë was amazed that her children were able to sit through a whole story without crying, fighting, spitting, or whining. "Ok so me and Monty tie up Brock and your Goddaddy started shaving."

Amina's eyes grew wider. "Shaved what?"

Zoë laughed. "Anywhere he had hair. Brock was one of the hairiest men I've ever knew. When your Goddaddy was finished, man didn't have a lick of hair on his body."

The kids laughed.

Mal popped his head in the doorway to the children's bedroom. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure. Just telling them about the Lanzhou Job."

Mal laughed. "Did you tell 'em bout the paint and the feathers?"

"They're four sir."

Amina perked up. "There was paint?"

"And feathers?" Mally added.

Mal nodded his head. "Yep, there was paint, feathers, and I do recall someone losing some clothing." Mal turned and looked at Zoë and grinned.

Zoë looked back at Mal and smiled slightly. "What is it that you wanted to talk to me about sir?"

"Kaylee found the blueprints, wanna go over them with you for tomorrow."

Gabe crossed his arms and pouted. "Whatta bout our story?"

"I'll finish it later. Why don't you find your Poppa and play a game with him?"

Mal and Zoë were going over the schematics of their next job. When Mally interrupted them.

"Momma how you tie a knot?" Mally held up his sister's jump rope.

Zoë took the rope and began tying it. "Sir if we go in through the side doors I think…."

"Zoë what are you doing?" Mal interrupted.

She raised her eyebrow to question him. "That ain't how you tie a knot."

"I think I know how to tie a knot sir." She responded.

Mal took the rope from her. "You could never tie a proper knot." Mal straighten out the rope. "Now, Goddaddy gonna teach you the proper way to tie a knot. This here is a boa knot, you tie this knot good can't nobody get out of it."

Mally eyes grew two sizes bigger. "Nobody?"

"Yep, unless your Momma ties it." Mal gave Zoë a wicked grin. "See you take the rope…gimme your hands." Mally stretched out his hands. "Ok you take the rope and wrap it around the hands then and bring the working end back over the standing part. Secondly, you wrap it around again going the same way as the first….You got it?" Mally nodded his head. "Shiny. Next you pass the end you're workin' with over the standing part, and then you take it under _both_ riding turn and standing part, make an overhand knot under two riding turns. You wanna make sure that both ends come out between your loops and finally after you work it good and tight you pull the ends to finish." Mal tighten the rope around Mally's hand. Mal untied the rope around Mally's arm.

"Thank you Goddaddy." Mally said as he ran out.

Mal grinned. "Now where were we…?"

A few seconds later Amina came through carrying her paint set. 5 or so minutes later Gabe walked through carrying a razor. Zoë stopped the boy.

"Gabe what are you up to?" Zoë asked taking the razor from him.

"Just playing a game with Poppa." He smiled.

Zoë looked at Mal then back to Gabe. "Uh, huh. What game with your Poppa do you need a razor for?"

"Playing Lanzhou Job."

Mal looked at Zoë and started laughing. "Please tell me..."

They both quickly high tailed it out of the kitchen. They found Wash tied up to a pole in the cargo bay. Amina was just opening her paint. Mal was laughing so hard he could barely breathe. "Look Zoë just like Brock. So which one is gonna get naked?"

Zoë untied her husband.

* * *

Wash was under the console working on something when some wires shocked him. "Bèn hóu māma de érzi yī ge biǎozi tuó fēng!" Wash shouted sucking on his finger. 

"Wash! Language." Kaylee covered Mally's ears. "Shouldn't cuss in front of the babies. Don't wanna have them sounding like Jayne."

Wash examined his injured finger. "They can barely say ship. I doubt it they can say a highly complicated swear in Chinese."

Kaylee put Mally down on the floor with his brother and sister. "You don't know that. Simon says babies this age are very impressionable."

Wash sat in his chair. "Just because he graduated top 3 and all don't make him a tiāncái yīngér."

Kaylee picked up Wash tools and got under the console. "Well he knows more than you." She mumbled. Kaylee tickered with some things, and the console lit up.

Wash smiled. "But you are a tiāncái when it comes to fixing stuff."

Kaylee pulled herself up. "I know."

Mal and Zoe entered the bridge. "We all ready? Got shipment to make."

"Yep everything shiny, Cap'n."

Mally and Gabe were fighting over a toy on the floor.

"Mine." Gabe screamed.

"No. Mine." Mally retaliated.

Amina jumped in and took the toy. "Mine. Bèn hóu māma de érzi yī ge biǎozi tuó fēng."

Everyone looked at Amina who was sitting on the floor peacefully playing with her toy.

Kaylee turned to Wash. "See told ya."

* * *

Wash, Zoë and the children walked in the kitchen. Simon was standing on the stove stirring something. 

Wash took a whiff of the kitchen. "Smells…" He paused a moment. "right um…interesting in here doc. Whatcha bur…I mean cooking?"

Simon stirred the pot some more. "Just some leftovers I made into a soup for me and River. There's plenty if you want to fix some for the kids." Simon handed Zoë the spoon.

Reluctantly she took the spoon. "Thanks doc." She smiled wryly.

Zoë attempted to stir Simon's dish, the spoon was sticking to the edge of the pot. She stuck her finger in to taste it. "Fó tuó hé tā de sān ge jiǎo tián māo."

Wash sat the kids in their chairs. "I'm too tired to cook. Can't be that bad."

Zoë arched her eyebrow. "Remember when Gabe lost Fluffyboy?"

"Yeah."

"The smell."

Wash nodded his head.

"Well it taste like that."

Wash walked over to Zoë. "Look the faster we feed 'em the faster we can put them to bed and the faster we can get to Momma and Poppa time." Wash grinned. "My favorite time of the day."

"I'm hungry." Gabe whined.

"Me too." Amina added.

"I'm starving, Poppa." Mally said pouting.

"The boy's starving, Zoë. Can't let our son starve." Wash got out the bowls and plopped Simon's soup in the bowl.

"Soup ain't supposed to plop, Wash."

Wash placed the food in front of the kids. Mally was the first one to dig it. He spat the food out. Amina was next to sample the food. She just let it fall out of her mouth. And Gabe threw it back up. Zoë and Wash just looked at the mess.

"Yep that was definitely faster. I'm going to bed." Zoë kissed her husband on the cheek. "Poppa gonna put you guys to bed tonight."

"I'm still hungry." Gabe whined.

* * *

Translations 

bèn hóu māma de érzi yī ge biǎozi tuó fēng stupid monkey humping mother of a whore

tiāncái yīngér baby genius

Fó tuó hé tā de sān ge jiǎo tián māo sweet Buddha and his three legged cat


	3. Chapter 3

**3. Never back down. The "eyes" are a trap, Don't fall for them. No matter what. **

Zoë closed the door to the children's room. "They're sleep."

Wash paced back and forth biting his nails. "You gave them the meds?"

Zoë folded her arms. "Yes."

"Good. Good." He kissed her on the cheek and proceeded to leave when she stopped them.

"Dear." She called. Wash turned around and faced her. "Why would you give them a whole cake to eat?"

"Zoë you won't there. You were off having adventures with Mal while I had to deal with your children."

Zoë arched her eyebrow. "My children?"

"Yes, your children."

"Uh huh. But that still doesn't explain why you thought it would be a good idea to feed them a whole cake for dinner."

"I had to." He replied flatly.

Zoë smiled slightly. "Had to?"

"Yes, she gave me the 'eyes'. And I had to."

"The eyes?"

"Yes, you know, the 'eyes'." Wash demonstrated his daughter's puppy dog eyes. "And I had to give her what she wanted. And, if I gave in to her, well I had to do the same with the boys. So you see I had no choice."

"Momma." A small voiced whined. Gabe vomited all over the floor in front of Zoë's boots. "I threw up." He stretched out his arms for Zoë to pick him up. Zoë picked him up.

"I'll clean this up." Wash gave her a nervous grin.

Zoë shook her head. "A whole gorramn cake."


	4. Chapter 4

**4. Silence isn't golden. If it's too quiet then trouble will ensue.**

Wash propped his feet up on the console. His doing nothing was making him tired. He listened to the kids monitor and everything was quiet. Almost eerily quiet, but Wash shrugged it off. Soon he drifted off to sleep.

"Wash." Zoë called.

"Yes, wife." He said lazily as he stretched to wake up.

"Where the kids?"

Wash turned around to face his wife who was standing in the doorway of the bridge. "In their rooms taking a nap."

Zoë looked worried.

"What's that face all about?"

"Wash if I was resting, you were sleeping…."

Wash cut her off. "I wasn't sleeping. I thought I had something on the inside of my eyelids and I was just checking it out, to make sure. Can't fly the ship if I can't see." He tapped his finger to his forehead. "I was thinking of the crew's safety."

Zoë rolled her eyes.

"Nothing to worry about sweet-ums I got the monitor on. Listen… the sweet sound of quiet. The kids are fine."

Zoë looked at the monitor. "It's not on."

"What?" He examined the monitor and shook it a bit until a red light came on. "Oh." He said sheepishly. There was a crackling noise coming from the other end. "See static, kids are still sleeping. Nothing to worry about."

"Gorram girl!" Jayne bellowed. "I told you about coming in my buck, when I'm sleeping."

Zoë turned to face Jayne. "Whoa!" She stepped back. Zoë was forming a question but couldn't quite get it out.

"I don't want to talk about it." Jayne said rubbing his face.

Wash's face lit up when he saw Jayne. "You look enchanting. Big date?"

"Ha ha hi-lerious. Let's see how funny it is when I…" Jayne stopped his sentence when he saw Zoe's face.

"Jayne…I ain't finish making you pretty." Amina cried following Jayne up the latter. "Hi Momma Hi Poppa. I made Jayne pretty."

Wash and Zoë held on to each other to try not to laugh. "Princess, I have never seen Jayne look so handsome. All he needs is a feather boa and a tiara and he will be the prettiest man ever."

Amina beamed. Jayne stewed. "Stow it little man or I'll do some prettying up your face."

Wash wrapped his hands around Jayne. "Can't mess with perfect."

"Smell something burning?" Zoë asked.

"What are the boys doing?" Wash asked Amina.

"I dunno." Amina shrugged.

Wash grabbed Amina and followed Zoë and Jayne down the cargo bay. They stood at the top of steps. Mal and Kaylee were putting out a small fire while Mally and Gabe cheered them on.

"Can we do it again Goddaddy?!" Mally squealed.

"Pluhhhese! It was fun!" Gabe said.

"Everything alright Captain?"

Mal just looked up at Zoë and Wash.

* * *

**5. Be specific. Leave no room for wiggle room.**

"Honey, the boy does have a point." Wash said shaking his head. "You told him don't play with fire. You said nothing about blow torches."

Zoë looked at the melted toys on the floor, speechless.

* * *

**6. If it's electric, sharp, shoots, prods, shakes, speaks, shiny, beeps, blinks, furry, pretty, shaves, sprays, glues, cuts, or child size keep it away if you value your life, limbs, and possessions.**

Simon shoved some instruments around in a drawer. He scratched his head. "I thought I had it here?"

Zoë sat on the infirmary bed impatiently holding a make shift bandage on her arm. "Doc, you wanna hurry up? My wife is bleeding here." Wash said holding Zoe's hand.

Simon looked up. "I can't seem to find the electro weaver." He checked the other side of the room. "I was showing Shepherd Book how it worked." Simon stopped and looked at Wash and Zoë. "Mother of all flying blind ducks."

Wash covered his ears, "Doc! Language. Is that the type of bedside manner they taught you on that fancy core school?" He asked.

Zoë slightly smiled. "Problem Doctor?"

"Gabriel." Simon ran out the room. Zoë and Wash were close at his heels.

They walked in the triplets' room. Gabe had Mally on the bed. He was dressed up like Simon even wearing rubber gloves.

"Hold still Mally." Gabe commanded.

Zoë cleared her throat. The boys stopped and looked up. "Hi Momma." Gabe said sweetly. "I was just playing Doctor Simon with Mally." He smiled sweetly.

Wash motioned for Gabe to give him the electro weaver. He handed it over to Simon. "You know Doc you should keep track of your instruments."


End file.
